The 6 Principles of Foundational Processes

1. Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant
2. Love and Friendship
3. Positive Interaction
4. Accepting Influence from One’s Spouse
5. Respectfully Handle Differences and Solve Problems
6. Continuing Courtship through the Years

These principles form the foundation for a strong and enduring marriage. By understanding and applying them, couples can build a relationship that withstands the test of time.

1.- Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant

The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moroni 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and woman come closer together.

2.- Love and Friendship

In this dispensation the Lord commanded, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart” (D&C 42:22), applying equally to wives as well as husbands. In commenting about this verse, President Ezra Taft Benson (1987, p. 50) taught, “To my knowledge there is only one other thing in all scripture that we are commanded to love with all our hearts, and that is God Himself. Think what that means!” Parents have not been commanded to love their children with all their hearts, though undoubtedly they do. But marital love seems to occupy a high and holy status.

Love as distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

3.- Positive Interaction

Positive emotions toward one’s spouse are vital to a healthy marriage. Negative emotions, if they occur frequently and are allowed to deepen, can threaten a marriage.

To enhance positive interaction in marriage, focus on your spouse’s positive qualities. President Gordon B. Hinckley (2003, p. 59) taught a similar principle: I have witnessed much of the best and much of the worst in marriage. Fault finding replaces praise. When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it. But if we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow until it sparkles.

4.- Accepting Influence from One’s Spouse

Husbands and wives, learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another

Accepting influence refers to counseling with and lis-tening to one’s spouse, respecting and considering his or her opinions as valid as one’s own, and compromis-ing when making decisions together.

5.- Respectfully Handle Differences and Solve Problems

Prevention. Some issues may not need to be raised. Having charity, the pure love of Christ, may prevent some things from ever becoming an issue. For example, maybe we can let go of our deep concerns about trivial matters, such as the stereotypical uncapped toothpaste.

A second important aspect of prevention is the hold-ing of regular couple councils (Markman et al., 2001). Unlike family councils, where the focus is on the entire family, couple councils provide couples with the oppor-tunity to discuss issues directly related to their mar-riage relationship. Couples who regularly visit together about their relationship are more likely to nip marriage problems in the bud

6.- Continuing Courtship through the Years

Have you ever felt that feeling that if you don't intervene everything will become disordered, damaged or lost? In physics this phenomenon is called "Entropy"; the higher it is, the more disorder there is between the molecules of a system. This disorder tends to occur naturally if no alternative energy intervenes: the house becomes disordered little by little, the body weakens, relationships cool down, etc. For this reason it is necessary to intervene: organize the house, feed and give activity to the body, and take care of relationships.

Research suggests that all marriages are subject to this kind of entropy, erosion, or disenchantment if neglected. The stress of unresolved issues and grievances and dam-aging communication and conflict resolution skills can pile up over time until couples have had enough and want their marriage to end (Gottman, 1994).

What are some things couples can do to keep courtship alive through the years?