Parenting with Love, Limits, and Latitude: Proclamation Principles and Supportive Scholarship

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness.




Lesson learned from my Marriage


My wife and I have been trying to have children for almost 10 years but we have not been successful. At first it was difficult to accept it. We tried many fertility treatments and at times we even lost faith that we could be happy in this life. We lost faith in ourselves and in the Savior. In the mercy of our heavenly father, we were able to recover our faith in Him and in his son Jesus Christ. That thanks to his gospel and if we are faithful to our covenants, we will be able to one day enjoy the blessings of fatherhood. Our marriage became stronger and the phrase Waiting on the Lord made more sense in our lives. We are currently in an adoption process and we believe that if it is God's will we will be able to raise and care for one of our heavenly father's children.



What should I do to support my children?


Love

Love fosters relationships and security. Brigham Young taught that “kind looks, kind actions, kind words, and a lovely, holy deportment towards them will bind our children to us with bands that cannot be easily broken; while abuse and unkindness will drive them from us.”3 One mother learned the power of leading with love after she realized that her escalating temper was not helping her 10-year-old son make it to bed any earlier at night. Prompted by reading the counsel of President Joseph F. Smith (1838–1918) that “you can only correct your children … in kindness, by love unfeigned, by persuasion, and reason,”4 she tried a gentler approach. As they talked through the problem, she gained new insight into his needs and concerns. Together they agreed on bedtime guidelines, and their relationship improved.


Limits

Leading with love requires that parents set clear limits for children’s behavior. Limits protect children and help them develop self-discipline. President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) noted, “Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love and respect him.”12 The Lord has entrusted us as parents with the responsibility to teach our children (see D&C 68:25). Correcting misbehavior can be one of the most challenging parts of this responsibility. At times, children may chafe, complain, or resist the limits placed upon them. Parents can hold firm with the understanding that teaching values is a lengthy process and that reasonable standards and expectations ultimately help children and teens feel secure and become more successful.


Latitude

Giving children latitude also means negotiating and compromising on rules when appropriate. Elder Ballard emphasized the need for parents to “be prepared to appropriately adjust some rules, thus preparing children for real-world situations.”19 For example, suppose that you have established the rule that children can play only after chores are done. What happens if cousins stop in unexpectedly for a short visit? In this case, parents and children might decide to be flexible and finish their chores another time. Being willing to negotiate and compromise provides reasonable expectations, gives children more control over their lives, and prepares them for real-world problem-solving situations. Providing latitude also gives children space to develop their own feelings about the gospel. Teens who have learned to recognize the Spirit and to make choices based on their understanding of right and wrong—rather than simply on parents’ demand for obedience—will be better equipped to make wise decisions in the face of stress or peer pressure. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught that teenagers’ “willingness to choose the Lord’s way and family values is greater when the choice comes from within than when we attempt to force those values upon them. The Lord’s way of love and acceptance is better than Satan’s way of force and coercion, especially in rearing teenagers.”20 Appropriate latitude sends a message of trust and respect.